Re: Awesome moments in Dragons Dance

by **Kevan Lyras** Sat May 16, 2015 1:03 pm

Reader wrote:"
By the Seven, you push me too far! I know your sort's "
justice"
and "
evidence"
, based on fucking family ties and who used to swallow whose sword as a squire."

Creative insults Laughing

- I heard the Marsten girls paid the kinslayer a visit the night before the fight and the morning of the same day.
- It was not much of a fight, do you think he got paid off to not kill Ser Baelon?
- Nah, I think the two of them just fucked him senseless to make him lose his strength, to give Ser Baelon a chance?
- Typical blacks, using what's between a woman's legs to make their supporters look better.

by **Loreia** Sun May 24, 2015 2:06 am

Nathaniel Mason wrote:The figure puts his hands on the foot of the bed and leans forward.

"
Now, is that any way to treat a friend? One that has arranged to keep that clever head attached to the rest of you?

"
Your betrayal of Lord Tully was distasteful, but you are a competent man and and we bear you no ill-will... at the moment.

"
However, actions have consequences."

With a quick motion a torn piece of paper flutters onto the bed before the Senechal. It is a fragment of one of the missing documents in the Seneschal's own hand. On the back is a list.

"
You have been allowed to continue to enjoy your comfortable position with your comfortable life and your comfortable bed, but there are those who do not have the comforts that you currently enjoy. You will donate some of your stolen wealth to those who are less fortunate than you, or you can be assured you will be far less fortunate than them in quick order. Unlike you, we are not greedy, so you will note that the amounts are a small fraction of what you have taken over the years. You may consider this a penance, or if you have no remorse, a cost of doing business.

"
It is my fervent hope, Seneschal Hubert, that we shall not meet again, however if we do, I suggest you call the guards as quickly as possible, for all the good they will do you."

With a quick motion, the dark figure throws the bed curtains closed again.

Maybe I'm late to the party for this one, but bravo! Well-written, well-acted, and posing as the Stranger no less! And the follow-up post by the reader had the desired not-evil effect! Well done! Quick question, do you have any poison on you, or invested ranks in Stealth/Agility? Not that it matters now, I guess.

by **Baelon Drakeson** Tue May 26, 2015 10:57 pm

[url=http:
//dragonsdance.
forumatic.
com/viewtopic.
php?p=21573#p21573:3h1zktqz]Subject: [D5,LM]A simple lesson in Cyvasse (Closed)[/url:3h1zktqz]

Daveth Coldbrook wrote:Daveth is acutely aware he's playing far from his best, for all his bravado earlier. By accident or design, Dyana keeps on distracting him from his plans, even something as simple as her drinking a mouthful of wine proves impossible to ignore.

Others take you, Daveth! Focus! You can't make your point if you fail the challenge. You'll just be yet another man who challenged her and fell short. Yes, her lips are very lovely, but if you could just notice her catapult? Please?

...No, those are her eyes, not her catapult. *Sigh*.

Love it.

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Tue May 26, 2015 10:59 pm

Baelon wrote:[url=http:
//dragonsdance.
forumatic.
com/viewtopic.
php?p=21573#p21573:34p5v420]Subject: [D5,LM]A simple lesson in Cyvasse (Closed)[/url:34p5v420]

Daveth Coldbrook wrote:Daveth is acutely aware he's playing far from his best, for all his bravado earlier. By accident or design, Dyana keeps on distracting him from his plans, even something as simple as her drinking a mouthful of wine proves impossible to ignore.

Others take you, Daveth! Focus! You can't make your point if you fail the challenge. You'll just be yet another man who challenged her and fell short. Yes, her lips are very lovely, but if you could just notice her catapult? Please?

...No, those are her eyes, not her catapult. *Sigh*.

Love it.

I believe the youngins these days call that "
totes adorbz"
. Laughing

by **Nathaniel Mason** Tue May 26, 2015 11:19 pm

Loreia Merrgal wrote:Maybe I'm late to the party for this one, but bravo! Well-written, well-acted, and posing as the Stranger no less! And the follow-up post by the reader had the desired not-evil effect! Well done! Quick question, do you have any poison on you, or invested ranks in Stealth/Agility? Not that it matters now, I guess.

Thank you. I think I had the most fun writing that of anything I've done to date.

OOC: Nathan has some poisons of the non-lethal variety. Sweetsleep is an effective defense against some of his more aggressive clients. I think, given his personality, using anything more damaging would require extremely dire circumstances.

Yes, he does have ranks in both Stealth and Agility.

by **Loreia** Wed May 27, 2015 4:33 am

When I read that, I couldn't let it go without mention. The big question is, if you hadn't succeeded at intimidating him, or it had an adverse effect instead, would you have gone through with your threat?

by **Nathaniel Mason** Wed May 27, 2015 4:48 am

You mean... would I have exposed him to either the Lord Tully or the Queen?

Your asking if I was bluffing?

No. I was not bluffing. The money I was demanding for charity was fairly reasonable compared to the amounts he had embezzled. If he hadn't paid I would have gone to the Queen and offered him up in exchange for donations to the same charities.

Like the Iron Bank, I would have gotten the money one way or another.

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Wed May 27, 2015 4:50 am

Nathaniel Mason wrote:You mean... would I have exposed him to either the Lord Tully or the Queen?

Your asking if I was bluffing?

No. I was not bluffing. The money I was demanding for charity was fairly reasonable compared to the amounts he had embezzled. If he hadn't paid I would have gone to the Queen and offered him up in exchange for donations to the same charities.

Like the Iron Bank, I would have gotten the money one way or another.

Ah, beneath that playful, boyish exterior beats the heart of a ruthless, cunning mastermind.

by **Loreia** Wed May 27, 2015 5:05 am

Nathaniel Mason wrote:The money I was demanding for charity was fairly reasonable compared to the amounts he had embezzled. If he hadn't paid I would have gone to the Queen and offered him up in exchange for donations to the same charities.

Oh right, you had some good evidence. Sorry. Also another death at the tourney probably wouldn't have gone over well, might have even cancelled it. You'll forgive me if I channel Lord Palpatine from time to time.

... "
dew it!"

by **Reader** Wed May 27, 2015 7:13 am

Daveth's "
red oni, blue oni"
thoughts are great. Note the increasing recent dominance of the red thoughts - struggling against Themore is driving him down a dark path.

Nathaniel has shades of "
Varys - the early years"
.

by **Reader** Wed May 27, 2015 9:27 am

I like this thread, all concerned thinking clearly and roleplaying well:

viewtopic.php?f=53&
t=1009&
start=10

Gwyn's posts are interesting....

by **Reader** Wed May 27, 2015 9:36 am

In amongst the drama of the various magnificent seven threads, Athelstan's unlikely tourney success and Corrine/Ben, this is welcome comic relief:

viewtopic.php?f=53&
t=1009&
start=10

Physical comedy at its best, very amusing use of intrigue. Smile

by **Gwyneth Drakeson** Wed May 27, 2015 1:18 pm

That second post is the same thread as the first. Smile

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Wed May 27, 2015 1:33 pm

Brain fart!

by **Reader** Wed May 27, 2015 1:40 pm

Perils of phone posting, meant this:

viewtopic.php?f=53&
t=997

by **Benedict Marsten** Wed May 27, 2015 1:44 pm

Maybe he doubly loved your scene. He beat me to nominating it. Its was very Hartshorn 90210. Dylan and Kelly fighting while Donna watched.

And if you have no outside knowledge we don't, then Gwyn wins for most paranoid. Smile

by **Gwyneth Drakeson** Wed May 27, 2015 1:53 pm

Hah! It's not -entirely- paranoia. The whole Darry thing stinks to high heaven, for all the reasons she's mentioned and more.

...but okay yeah, there's some paranoia there too. Shocked

by **Dyana Marsten** Wed May 27, 2015 5:13 pm

[url=Sleep, Merciless Sleep][/url]
And I thought I was having some unpleasant dreams last night.

by **Baelon Drakeson** Wed May 27, 2015 5:34 pm

Gwyneth Marsten wrote:Hah! It's not -entirely- paranoia. The whole Darry thing stinks to high heaven, for all the reasons she's mentioned and more.

...but okay yeah, there's some paranoia there too.

Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean 'they' aren't out to get you. Laughing

by Jon Cobb Wed May 27, 2015 5:39 pm

Dyana Marsten wrote:[url=Sleep, Merciless Sleep][/url]
And I thought I was having some unpleasant dreams last night.

Yeah...on second thoughts, maybe it's a bit over the top. Embarassed

But, if it creeps anyone out it's at least achieving the desired effect.

by **Lady Corrine Marsten** Wed May 27, 2015 5:45 pm

Jon Cobb wrote:
Dyana Marsten wrote:[url=Sleep, Merciless Sleep][/url]
And I thought I was having some unpleasant dreams last night.
Yeah...on second thoughts, maybe it's a bit over the top.

But, if it creeps anyone out it's at least achieving the desired effect.

I'm finding the writing very compelling.

by **Loreia** Thu May 28, 2015 1:29 am

I will say it was very bold and I didn't much care for it.

by Jon Cobb Thu May 28, 2015 8:11 pm

Lady Corrine Marsten wrote:
I'm finding the writing very compelling.

Yay! A fan! :;
):

Loreia Merrgal wrote:I will say it was very bold and I didn't much care for it.

Hmm, "
very bold"
is an expression I would normally take to mean something positive, but clearly that's not the case here.

Would you mind saying what's rubbing you the wrong way? Is it the writing itself, or perhaps the subject matter, or the treatment of the subject matter? No need to post your answer here, of course, a PM would be fine if you're OK with expanding on your critique.

by **Loreia** Fri May 29, 2015 4:32 am

[url=Subject: Awesome moments in Dragons Dance][/url]

Jon Cobb wrote:
Loreia Merrgal wrote:I will say it was very bold and I didn't much care for it.
Hmm, "
very bold"
is an expression I would normally take to mean something positive, but clearly that's not the case here.

Would you mind saying what's rubbing you the wrong way? Is it the writing itself, or perhaps the subject matter, or the treatment of the subject matter? No need to post your answer here, of course, a PM would be fine if you're OK with expanding on your critique.

I really wouldn't know how to classify it. Probably better not to. I find the blunt descriptions of the assault distasteful. I'm used to the damage being covered up, with more often what's being said or heard, or a silhouette, showing a character's reaction to what's happening.

If I had to give an example of the closest I'd dare to go, I would go with The Lovely Bones(the book). It uses some descriptions and glosses over stuff that happens with the character's memories(it's written from a first-person perspective), uses metaphors and allows the villain a couple little actions or words to keep the mood dark. Visual media tends to have more free range, but it's different when you put it into words.

How much of this needs to be said? How much of it can be implied?

by Jon Cobb Fri May 29, 2015 12:41 pm

Loreia Merrgal wrote:I really wouldn't know how to classify it. Probably better not to. I find the blunt descriptions of the assault distasteful. I'm used to the damage being covered up, with more often what's being said or heard, or a silhouette, showing a character's reaction to what's happening.

If I had to give an example of the closest I'd dare to go, I would go with The Lovely Bones(the book). It uses some descriptions and glosses over stuff that happens with the character's memories(it's written from a first-person perspective), uses metaphors and allows the villain a couple little actions or words to keep the mood dark. Visual media tends to have more free range, but it's different when you put it into words.

How much of this needs to be said? How much of it can be implied?

Thank you for your thoughts, I think I understand what your reservations are - the strongest being that you're not comfortable with such a direct portrayal of the subject matter.

As a matter of fact, I did consider using less direct language, but ended up not doing so because a) I found it difficult to find the right words and still feel like I was getting my point across, and b) the longer I wrote the more I felt that something as traumatic as a gang rape deserved to be portrayed as the horrific event it is. So ultimately, if you felt distaste when you read this particular dream, you reacted pretty much the way I wanted. I felt a bit sick myself when describing it.

And lest you think the whole scene is the sole product of my diseased mind, it's not. :;
): It was very strongly inspired by a chapter from Bernard Cornwell's book Azincourt, in which the protagonist experiences the sacking of the French town of Soissons. This was a massacre so brutal that it managed to shock medieval Europe. Definitely worth reading about, but it's not for the faint of heart...

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